A Brokenhearted Trail

There was a guy with a big heart, who just so happened to like young adult and teenagers and not in some kinky perverted way so get your mind out of the gutter.

 He felt for them, because there are so many things that you have to go through as a teenager and a young adult.  The big hearted man had been though these things himself, as a teen and as a young adult.  Luckily, because this man acted like a kid himself, he was able to relate to these groups of the populace at large.

Since this man with the big heart was a minister, he decided to get involved with youth ministry.  For awhile, he was very happy, and he felt like he was actually making a difference in a few lives.  It made the man feel self worth, made him happy, made him feel like he had finally found what he was supposed to do in this world.  All was well and right with the world for 2 years.

 Then a bad thing happened.

It wasn’t an illegal thing, or a horrible thing, just a bad thing.  You see, the big hearted man had trouble with the man in charge of the place where the big hearted man did his youth ministry.  Things began to unravel and the big hearted man became sad.  Very sad.  In the end, the big hearted man had to leave this place.  The youth who once called him at all hours of the day and night suddenly wouldn’t have anything to do with him and treated him like he was not a big hearted man, but a bad man.  This made the big hearted man even sadder.

 He had hoped to find another place where he could once again become involved and make a difference.  After a few months of searching, he thought he had found this place.  So he went there, not with the intent to take over, but just to get involved.  Maybe help out.  Unfortunately, he met with resistance, and wariness, and rumors.  Then, once again, a bad thing happened.  This was a different bad thing than before, but in the end, the big hearted man no longer felt welcome, despite the best efforts of the man in charge of the new place, who also happened to have a big heart.

 Perhaps the big hearted man should have stayed and tried to work through it, but in the end, he felt he couldn’t, for various personal reasons.  Once again, the big hearted man was sad.

 The big hearted man began to feel lost.  The trail he had been traveling became rocky, and had steep hills to climb and he became tired and simply lost his way in the wilderness.

 Well, the big hearted man didn’t like feeling this way.  So, he decided to try and explore other avenues, to try and reach out, to try and make a difference, once again.

He tried and tried several ideas.  The problem was, everywhere he went, he met with resistance and ridicule.  The resistance wasn’t so bad, but the ridicule was.  That was hard for the big hearted man to take.  So now, the big hearted man has stepped back, not knowing what else to do, feeling sad, lost and awkward.  Maybe one day, something will happen, some door will open, and the big hearted man can once again find it in himself to try and make a difference.  Maybe.

But, the big hearted man learned a valuable lesson.  There are many ways to have your heart broken, and all of them hurt just as bad.

Today’s Youth = Tomorrow’s Leaders (Ahem)

Where did we go wrong?  Ok, maybe that is really just a rhetorical question.  However, somewhere, my generation took a sharp left turn in raising our kids who are now teens.

Oh I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking I’m going to rant about the foibles of today’s something or other generation (is it x? y? z? aa? I can never keep up).  Well, you would be right.

I mean come on, have you looked at bozo the clown looking teens of today?

Never mind the tattoos and piercings.  Never mind the weird hair colors, never mind the pants that are about to fall off.  No, wait.  Let’s mind it.  A lot.

Hey, I was a teenager once.  We had our own fads.  In my town, in my day, it was cowboy hats with roach clips hanging off the back (purely for aesthetics, honest mom, I never did drugs.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it).  But I look at today’s kids and I have to wonder.  I mean really really wonder.  How do some of these kids expect to get a job?

Whatever happened to the phrase, everything in moderation?  Apparently, we somehow missed the opportunity to pass that vital information on to our kids.  I can see my way past a little bit of “personalization”.  My own daughter has a piercing in her nose.  But I look around at some of these kids at the mall, even ones who are working and I think to myself – something just ain’t right yo.

Blue hair, red hair, white hair, green hair, practically every weird color you can imagine under the rainbow.  Facial tattoos.  More metal in their face than iron man, ripped clothing (if you can even classify some of it as clothing because it covers less than a bikini), thongs hanging out of the back of pants.  It just goes on.

If they aren’t trying to pass off as “Gangsta Paradise” (don’t judge, I roll old school Coolio ya know), their trying to look like something from the circus.

I expect a little rebellious behavior in teens.  I was one once, despite what my 17 year old daughter thinks.  But I look at these kids and I have to wonder, especially in talking to them, have they no idea what they are doing to their future?  The answer is a big fat no.  Why?  Because they don’t think what they are doing to themselves with their various circus colors and metal faces will make a difference.

Ahem

They obviously don’t understand corporate America.

Or they plan on working at fast food restaurants all their lives (no offense, but come on, how many more fast food places to we really need in this country?).

I’ve seen people who have just made it out of their teens, trying to make a living with battle scars from their piercings.  That’s right, they couldn’t keep them.  Once you get those holes in you, and let them close, they leave behind scars.

Then there is their clothing.  I’ve seen young adults, just out of their teens, still wearing their pants around their knees and wonder why they can’t get a decent paying job.

So where, exactly, did we take a left turn?  Did we get to busy, trying to keep our own heads above water trying to survive that we didn’t notice?  Or did we just get to the point where we made the mistake of not realizing the appropriate time to say no, and stick to it?

I don’t know, I just don’t understand it.  I’ve only let my daughter get one piercing and it’s in a place that won’t leave a visible scar and I have talked earnestly with her about the fact when she finishes college, she is gonna have to lose that nose piercing.  Which she doesn’t get.  Maybe I shouldn’t have allowed it in the first place.

Who knows what the future will bring.  We can hope that our youth start waking up and realize that youthful things must be left behind when they grow up.  It’s either that, or our next president may have facial piercings, and wear his pants around his knees.  What a horrible image.

~ Kev

Avoid Morality in Sex Lessons?

I came across an article today, linked from The Drudge Report, that was included in the Sunday edition of the UK Times.  The articles title said it all, and I prepared to go into it being outraged.  I wasn’t disappointed.  The article it self can be found by clicking here:

Parents told: Avoid morality in sex lessons

The idea, according to the UK Government, is that parents should avoid the issue of right and wrong when talking to them about sex.  Instead, such topics should be kept “light” to encourage teens to form their own views.

I kid you not.

If that wasn’t enough, this is going to be distributed in leaflet form in UK pharmacies.

Really, this isn’t a joke.

The leaflet states:

“Discussing your values with your teenagers will help them to form their own. Remember, though, that trying to convince them of what’s right and wrong may discourage them from being open.”

Who are these people and how did the lose their minds?  I really want to know.  The UK Government now thinks that teens should be allowed to determine what is right and wrong, on their own?

-headesk-

Let us forget for a moment that they are close to be adults, and by that I mean that as teens, they are thinking, and some are performing, sexual acts.  Already.  Let us tell it like it is, that teens are still children.

When you’re child is small, do you teach them from right and wrong?  Do you tell them not to steal or you will go to jail?  Do you teach them that it is wrong to put your hand on a hot stove, or you will get burned?  Of course you do.  Did you notice that I included a moral and a non-moral example?  How could I not?  Each bears consequences.  One is morally wrong, the other is physically wrong.  But you know, moral wrongness can also often lead to physical wrongness.  Think about it for a minute ok?

Now, lets assume you have never been taught that morally, sex before marriage is wrong.  Instead you are taught some of the consequences to sex before marriage.  You with me?  I hope so, but let us plunge ahead.

Do you remember being a teenager?  I do.  I had that same mentality that I see in teens today, and the same mentality that I know existed in my parents teen years.  That mentality that makes them feel somewhat invincible.  You know what I mean I hope.  Take for example the wise words of your parents, telling you not to drink and drive.  If you do, you could kill yourself, or someone else, or cause a lot of damage, get arrested and lose your license and get grounded for the rest of your natural life.  But yet every year, thousands of teens across this country are in some type of accident related to drinking and driving.  Why?  Because of that invincible attitude that they carry.  “It won’t happen to me, I will be careful, I can get away with this, I won’t hurt anyone.”  Ring any bells in your mind?  Didn’t you have that same type of attitude when you were a teen?  I can be honest and say that I did.

From being a Youth Pastor, I have talked to teens about drinking and driving.  Also, of course, about sex.  But I’m going to stick to the drinking and driving example.

When talking to them, and asking them why they shouldn’t drink and drive, usually the response I got was a bit of laughter and the answer “Because I might get caught”.  The second one is because they might hurt someone.  Ahaha.  Good answer, if you’re a teen, who has been taught some morals.  If they hadn’t been taught morals, why would they be worried about hurting someone?  From a moral standpoint, if you have no morals, what does it matter about anyone but yourself?

Can you see where I’m going with this?

It’s especially hard for teens to not experiment with sex in today’s society.  Sex literally surrounds them from the time they start to watch TV, or even begin to notice billboards on the highway.  That old adage, “Sex Sells”.  Also, sex is pretty much a constant in prime time television.  I’m not talking married sex either.  Sure, these shows do their standard yearly requirement in the US where they have to address the wrongness of certain issues, but the fact remains, sex is everywhere around us.

With a teen, their bodies growing in strange new ways, new hormones flying around their bodies, of course they are going to be curious about sex, especially since it’s thrust into their faces on a constant basis.

However, you can’t negate the positive effects of moral teachings.  I agree that simply telling a teen not to do something without an explanation is like throwing gasoline on a fire.  They want to know and understand.  They want it to make sense.  Not because they can’t reason for themselves, but because they are always looking for guidance, even if they won’t admit it.  That is a child for you.  I can’t count the number of times that my daughter and I have had discussions about things where I have worked hard to make her see why something was wrong after she had already formed an opinion.  Why?  Because she didn’t have the experience in life to consider all the facts.  Plenty of these discussions were moral in nature.  Not all, put plenty.

Until now, I’ve been speaking on a purely secular level, but I’m going to switch gears.  What does the bible say about sex outside of marriage, and what is right and wrong?

Despite the fact that you will not find the exact words “Sex before marriage is a sin”, there are plenty of scriptures that tell you straight of that it is wrong, considered a sin, and in some cases why.  Sex outside marriage is considered sexual immorality, and sexual immorality is a sin.  I could write pages on this, I really could.  But just quickly, consider this, sex outside of marriage is considered sexual immorality can be found in 1 Corinthians 7:2.

So, on the basis of 1 Corinthians 7:2 clearly including sex before marriage in the definition of sexual immorality, all the Bible verses that condemn sexual immorality as being sinful also condemn sex before marriage as sinful. Sex before marriage is included in the definition of sexual immorality. Therefore, there are countless Scriptures that condemn sex before marriage (Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence before marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone other than your spouse. The biblical definition of sexual immorality is sex outside of marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves (Hebrews 13:4).

There are plenty of why’s to go along with this as well.  But let’s consider some easy ones.

• Pregnancy
• Disease
• Abortion
• Confusion

There are plenty of teen pregnancies out there today, and if you can’t understand why this is a big bad deal, then what planet have you been sleeping on?  A teenager is not equipped to deal with raising a baby and that is not even mentioning the fact that in most cases it’s outside of marriage.  Sure, it happens, and kids with teen parents grow up to be fine, but I think we can all recognize the many troubles that the mother and sometimes the father, face.

Then there is disease.  Sure teens can use condemns, and they are taught about them.  But you have all been caught up in a moment where you have made bad decisions right?  There ya go.  It happens to teens also, and is a lot of cases, even more so.

I don’t believe in abortion except in some very rare cases.  I consider it taking a life, end of story. I know not everyone believes that way, but the trauma from a teen having an abortion is a vey real thing.  Look it up for yourself.

Then there is confusion.  What’s to be confused about?  PLENTY.  Sex isn’t just some act that feels good.  It’s so much more than that!  It’s a very real emotional and physical bonding experience that creates very real and intense feelings between two people.  If you aren’t married, and you have this bond, and you go your separate ways, it leaves baggage.  Memories and other things.  Consider this:

Corinthians 6:16
Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." (The Message)

I guess I will just wrap this up, or keep writing all night.  What I’m getting at is that is impossible to not discuss sex with your children without including morality.  You would be wrong to foster a selfish and “me” attitude in them, as it will only cause them pain and embarrassment in their future.  If you leave out morality in your “sex education” talks with your kids, that is exactly what you are doing, and setting them up for.  It takes two people to have sex, and if you only think of yourself, then where is that going to leave you?  I think you get the point.

Talk to your kids about sex, but don’t expect them to be to open with you.  That is how kids are.  But try to make sure that they have a person to go to that they might be willing to discuss things more openly with, like a Pastor or Youth Pastor.  Don’t leave out morality, that is your job as a parent, teaching your children right from wrong.  Make sure they understand that God doesn’t want them randomly having sex and why.  Be responsible.  Do the moral and right thing.  Do right by your children.

Until next time, I remain worried about our children’s future,

~ Kevin